THE UNSENT CHECK

This is a numbers game . You pretend you have more money than you really do. It was one of my own favorites. I did keep a running balance in my checkbook. But what I also did, and what other numbers players do, was delay writing checks until the last possible moment, until I was on the verge of incurring late charges, calls from creditors, or cancellation or shut-off notices. By hanging to the money, I could look at my checkbook and see that I had a comfortable margin of around $2 ,000. Everything was okay , right? I had enough.

It was a con job. I didn’t do it consciously, but I did it nonetheless. The sense of security it provided was false. I’d paid those backlogged bills immediately, my balance of $2,000 would have dropped by $1,000; and looking at that, I would have been forced to confront the uncomfortable fact that $1,000 was all I had left with which to face $2,500 worth of expenses and incoming bills—that I was going to come up short for the month by $1,500.

The numbers player defends his balance fiercely. He resists mailing the checks until he absolutely has to. That imaginary balance is necessary, if he’s to have any comfort ‘or relief at all. Next Page