“I always screw up the auditions,” she said. “I have to. I watch myself destroying them, but I can’t stop myself.”
Helen had experienced a hurtful childhood which had left her feeling worthless and incapable. She understood the dynamics of what had happened to her, but that didn’t help much; she still felt powerless over what she perceived as a deep-seated need to sabotage herself.
Someone suggested that she try acting as if she didn’t have to screw up. At first she was angry. She couldn’t believe there could be such a simple answer to a problem that was so deeply embedded. She thought that a solution, if indeed there was a solution, would have to be equally as complicated, equally as painful, and would require several years of work. But she tried it anyway, and at each audition, to the best of her ability, she acted as if she didn’t have to undermine herself.

She didn’t master the technique immediately. Very few do. But she got progressively better at it, and began to pick up small parts and day-work. Then she was hired for a month long run in a theater in Washington, a small film’ role, then a six-week nut in a theater in New Haven. Now, some two years later, she’s working regularly at her craft. She’s still not fully convinced that she doesn’t have to sabotage herself, but when she begins to feel she’s compelled to, she immediately reverts to acting as if she doesn’t.

Frequently, we are who we pretend to be. In time, if you observe the external practices—act as if, then belief will overcome your own doubts. It’s much easier to act your way into constructive thinking than it is to think your way into constructive action.